Eureka, now I know why my nana is Crazy! :)

So growing up, I always heard stories of my great grandma Ryder and talent for cooking. Now I like to cook, well really bake, so I always listened to how she made wonderful cookies and pies, and every other thing. Having only met her briefly around age 4 when she had Alzheimer and was in a nursing home (thinking my mom was my nana,)I was always a rapturous listener of her younger years. I heard stories of her playing under the table with my mom and always singing while she cooked. I also knew if she ever saw elbows on the table she would stab you pretty hard with a fork, funny how things like that were important at the time.
Anyway, I am getting off subject here...Back to my nana and her, shall we say "endearing eccentricity."
I offered to transcribe an old hand written recipe booklet my great grandma wrote, with all her secret recipes. Here is a sampling of some entries, Prune Bread, Date Bars, Peach Dumplings, Date Torte, Chocolate Russe, Ginger Molasses Cookies...wait...I swear this could be what would write...each and every one of my favorite flavors...Peaches, Dates, Prunes!? Hmm...could I be related? Though, I do have to say, she was into her SUGAR!! Every single recipe is loaded with sugar...I tend to like less sweet tastes.
So I am flipping through this great book, complete with worn, aged, and stained pages (yes this was written in 1930 so the pages are that great coffee brown color). I come upon a rather strange recipe...a cold remedy? Hmm, I think to myself, this should be interesting....
I read,
One pound fresh lard----eww but lets hope this is not to be ingested, open mind this was the
1930s
Melt with one ounce of campher gum...ewww
"Take of the stove" is in bold...hmm?
add one ounce of turpentine...."wait, turp? I paint with this?! it makes me sooo SICK!
I continue to think...good thing she rememberd to take this off the stove, i think an explosion wont cure a cold...
finally ammonia is added to this concotion.
Fortunately this is to be applied to a face cloth and left on your chest 2 times a day...
I know I say fortunately, though, man no one should be breathing this no matter how sick they are!
So that explains my nana, her mom killed all her brain cells...haha!
Maybe thats why shes an artiist, she longs for the smell of turpentine :)
Now for all you reading, do not try this at home, it will not cure anything, though I may try to paint with it......